Don't be afraid to replace broken rituals
Everyone has rituals. Some people can’t start their morning without coffee; before bed, we watch a video, read a book, always have dinner with people we love, or set aside time to talk to them. Rituals are an essential part of who we are.
Sometimes they have been going on for so long that we have no idea why we do them, or through routine and circumstances, they have eroded. We continue them anyway, but they are husks. Fragile things that barely resemble their former essence.
The rituals in themselves don’t matter at all. If we can remember why these actions started, or what their purpose is, we can adapt them to our circumstances, or even replace them with another that fulfills their intent.
Our rituals
Rituals are specific ways of doing something repeatedly. We take something ordinary and give it a greater meaning and purpose. They have a repetitive and predictable nature that appeals to us.
For example, the way we smell our coffee or black tea before taking a sip, the manner in which we say hello or goodbye to a special person, or having a conversation with them at a specific time.
These special actions help define our identity, bring tranquility, and strengthen our connections with ourselves and others.
Broken rituals
These significant habits are susceptible to interruption, however.
We change. The world changes. We will still drink our beverage hastily before going out. There will be hellos and goodbyes, but they may lack that special touch. The long-awaited conversation may have one part absent-minded, or may even be postponed.
We continue our rituals because we instinctively recognize their weight.
Yet, we may lose sight of their purpose, or conditions may restrict us, thus mitigating their effects.
The motive behind our actions
These actions that we routinely do by ourselves or with other people, meaningful from the importance and attention we give them, started for a reason.
When rituals start falling apart, that is exactly what we remember. The motive behind our actions.
Was it the taste of coffee or black tea, or the soothing moments of silence when we sat down to enjoy them? Was it the particular salute or the adios, or the implicit message of “I see you” or “It’s you”? Do we love the facts of the conversation, the company, and the connection we relish, or the effort, no matter what happens, we will be here for one another?
We don’t perpetuate mindless actions, mere husks of what they used to stand up for. No. We adapt or replace entire rituals if needed, because we recognize the essence of the ritual.
Be aware of what matters
Ditch broken rituals if they fail to honor their purpose.
Rituals are not defined by the activities themselves, but by their purpose, the importance, and attention we give to them.
We can find a more tranquil time for our tea or different activities that provide silence. When the space and time for a talk seem threatened, or other rituals are obstructed, there are myriad ways we can send the same message to ourselves, or the people we love.
So, as long as we know their purpose, or messages, we shouldn’t be afraid to modify rituals, or find new ways to keep what is essential to us: our bonds and our tranquility.
