Talking feels useless. But, you should do it anyway
Once I was asked, “What would be the use of talking?”
Sometimes problems seem like great monsters. This can cause our chest to feel tight, and we may be uncertain about how to act. I recognize how futile talking sounds. There are things we must do alone, whether that is by our own choice or because the situation requires it.
Yet, there are reasons worth noting about talking with someone who cares about us, despite how ineffective it seems. If not for ourselves, for this dear person.
At that moment, I knew instinctively how important talking was. But I couldn’t find the words to answer. Now it would have been a different story.
Problems we have to solve by ourselves
There are problems we need to solve by ourselves.
We can receive help with some obstacles, but others we can’t. Can talking settle our issues with our roommates, or the people who live with us? What about issues at work, or money we must have? Can the person we are talking to give us what we’ve lost, or dissolve our pain?
Most of the time, just telling what happens won’t affect the situation.
However, we have to consider that we may be missing the point. It is not solutions we should be looking for in the person who has the willingness to listen to us; they can’t solve them. We should be looking for support from them so we can stand up again. They represent someone who inspires tranquility, confidence, and a safe place to turn to.
Not solutions, but a place to recover our balance
When we change our goal from finding a direct solution to receiving indirect support, there are many ways in which people can be crucial, and talking is a boat in the middle of the sea.
When we tell them what is happening, we get out of our heads momentarily. We have an outlet to vent our emotions, the space to examine what happened, given that many times emotions get us trapped in a storm. We feel the world is falling apart. But we feel relieved when we can carry this humongous task by ourselves while still having company. We can even share practical ideas and solutions if that is what we need.
The people with whom we share a special bond don’t have to touch directly any of our problems to be a pillar to us. And among all the reasons for talking, they represent a weighty one.
The other side of the table
If we are fortunate enough, we may have been in the other position as well.
We have also been the ones who watch someone precious to us struggle with obstacles. We have felt the desire to ease their angst. And, if it were possible, we would carry their burdens ourselves.
When we have problems, losing ourselves in the storm, in frustration, or drowning in sadness, it’s easy. But the other person sees someone they care about lost, frustrated, and drowned. And they can’t do anything about it.
From this perspective, refusing to talk translates into depriving the other person of the opportunity to be present and help. If we decline the conversation, we cut them off, we hurt the connection we share.
If all the good that comes from talking wasn’t enough, if we don’t talk for ourselves, we can consider talking for them.
Appreciate the value of talking
We don’t have to talk, nor pressure the other person to do so, when we see them facing obstacles. It’s more like a dance, something tacit. We can talk when we consider the time is right, and be patient when the other person is deciding exactly that.
The conversation with our favorite human beings is not meant to solve our problems, but rather they represent a pillar in our lives, a boat when we are at the mercy of the sea, a choice we make.
When we are the ones who watch the other in the storm, the thought that our existence helps so much eases the frustration of being unable to take more action.
We, who can be on one side or the other, need to appreciate the value that talking brings. Not just in terms of finding balance and tranquility, but also in practical terms.
That is the use of talking when the world is shaking, and it seems to be crumbling. That is my answer.
